What's Wrong With You?

You're too young to have so many problems.
Why do you only use a cane sometimes?
What did you do to yourself?
Ya, I get tired too.
You should push yourself harder.
You're just being lazy.
You're not trying hard enough. We all get tired.
Are you just looking for attention?
*stares stares stares*
You aren't handicapped. I saw you walking just fine a few minutes ago.
We all have problems.
It could always be worse.
Well, what are you doing about it?
You complain about everything.
You seem depressed.
Maybe it's just anxiety.
I think you're just a hypochondriac.
Gosh, what can you do?
You should try taking *insert "miracle drug" here*. My friend had that, and it totally cured her.
I know someone with *xy disease* and they can still do ....
You were fine yesterday...
You're just using that as an excuse to do nothing.
If you really wanted to, you'd get better.

If I had a dollar for every time someone said these things to me, I would pretty damn wealthy! People I don't even KNOW!!! Total strangers have asked me "What's wrong with you?" or "Why do you have a cane?" "What did you do to yourself?" "You're too young to have so many problems."

Well you know what people!!??? Apparently God doesn't discriminate against age! How can I be too young anyway? What the hell does that even mean?! Like only old people have health problems? I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure kids, teens, and young adults get sick all the time!!

There was one time, I was watching a movie about this person that has a disease. The person I was watching  the movie with (at that time though I was not diagnosed yet and they thought I was a hypochondriac making up all my symptoms) and they asked me, "So, are you gonna start having those symptoms now?" I'm sorry, but WHAT THE FUCK???!!! NO. I have the symptoms I have asshole.

People without chronic illnesses just really don't understand it. It's really hard to get it across to people too. Without ever experiencing it, how do you explain the fatigue is not just "I'm tired and a nap will make me feel better." People can't relate to things they don't or haven't had any experience with. It makes it incredibly difficult to share with family and friends the things we go through. I often feel shame for the things I can't do anymore, or the times I can't even think about doing whatever activity, much less actually do it. Shame and guilt are some of the biggest and worst emotions I feel because I am sick. I also get resentful. But the resentment is usually misplaced. For example, I'll get angry with someone because of how I think they see me. (Which is usually not a good perception at the time I'm feeling this way.) But that anger is really created based on how I feel about myself.

Having a chronic illness is like continually going through the grieving process. I go through all the phases. Over and over and over again. I will get angry about it. Then be fine with it. Then be sad about the things I've lost. Then be indifferent. Then angry again, and I go back through the steps over and over.

But you know what? I am grieving. I'm grieving the life I thought I would have. The life I wanted to have. The things that have changed. The things that I can't do. Everything. Everything has changed.

I'm not always angry though. Being sick has giving me so much. I don't take things for granted anymore. After losing many normal functions, I really don't take for granted balance and coordination. Things I never thought about before, but now I have lost. So when I have good days I am incredibly thankful for those things. I have also met amazing people and actually my best friend is someone I connected with because I got sick. Then we realized how much we had in common and our relationship just took off! She is my friend soul mate. I love her and am blessed to have her in my life. I also have more understanding and sympathy. I don't just to conclusions and judge people like I did before.

Of course, I do still get angry. But I have gained a lot. And honestly I am blessed. I am a broken bodied beautifully messy imperfectly perfect person. But I wouldn't change myself for anything.

What are things you've been told by others that just don't understand? Do you all go through the grieving process over and over? Please share by commenting below!