Relationships are such a struggle being chronically ill. I don't just mean romantic relationships. I mean all relationships. Friends, romantic partners, family, work... All of them.
Relationships are hard. If you're healthy they still hard. They take a lot of work. When you have a chronic illness, they become even more difficult.
I have one friend. That's right. Just one. Singular. Friend.
But she is the best friend I could ever ask for. And why do I think that is? Because she is chronically ill too.
I know other people. And we talk sometimes. But I don't really consider them friends. They are more than aquantinces but less than friends. I don't know what to call them...
Its so hard to explain to people that aren't sick like me that I have to cancel last minute. Or if they drive an hour to see me, I just want to sit and talk. I like to be active, but my activity level changes quickly. And so does my pain. So if we have plans to go out and do something, and then by the time they get here, I can't do it anymore, people that aren't sick don't understand.
Its hard to explain that to people that don't or have never experienced it. Probably the only I can think to explain it is when people break their arm or leg or whatever. And they have a cast. And they can't go and do whatever their friends are doing. They get left out. Their friends leave them and go have fun. But our "broken bone" in this analogy doesn't ever heal...
People start to leave you out. They stop inviting you out. They leave you behind. And honestly. I totally get that. If I were a totally healthy person, I would probably do the same thing. I wouldn't say I got better miraculously now. But before I was sick. I was that person. It just makes sense. Biologically it makes sense. We have a desire to be with people similar to us. It just is the way we are. So while I think it sucks, I can't really fault them for it.
People will have the best intentions and say they will be there.. And I believe they do want to... But you lose that commonality with people. And it's hard to explain to them what's really going on...
This is just about friendships though. It makes romantic relationships harder too. Romantic relationships need a lot of give and take. And when you hardly have the energy to get a shower, it's hard to go out f your way to do things for your partner. And often those fail too.
It takes a special person to be prepared and to love enough to be with a chronically ill person. And I know that sounds like an excuse for those that aren't strong enough. But it's not. Its just reality. And sometimes, reality just sucks.
How many of you have lost friends or relationships because of your chronic illness?
Anyone out there like me that lost all of their healthy friends in the battle? Share and comment below.
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